At Death's Door Read online

  -Woe Betide Them-

  In loving memory

  of Jack and Jim.

  You would have both died laughing.

  Acknowledgments

  The author would like to thank

  all things that go bump in the night.

  Disclaimer

  All trick-or-treaters appearing in this book were harmed during the time of writing.

  Knock knock . . .

  there’s some bodies at the door.

  No.

  -12-

  Twelve Trick-or-Treaters

  On a fateful jaunt,

  Woe betide the victims

  Of their nasty little haunt.

  A rotten little robot

  By the name of Rusty Glitch

  Malfunctioned rather badly

  In a game of Ding, Dong, Ditch.

  The door bell was the culprit;

  A botch job wrongly wired,

  And unfortunately for Rusty,

  His warranty’s now expired.

  No.

  -11-

  Eleven Trick-or-Treaters

  TP-ing up the ’burbs,

  Oblivious to the warning signs

  They continue undeterred.

  A musty little mummy

  By the name of Ackrid Sprat

  Was the next unlucky guiser

  Whose evening fell rather flat.

  An accident waiting to happen

  Put a stop to Ackrid’s tricks,

  As now they’re buried with her

  Under a pyramid of bricks.

  No.

  -10-

  Ten Trick-or-Treaters

  Shrugging off the fear,

  They’re being picked off one by one

  But still they persevere.

  A crooked little critter

  By the name of Heskith Dregs

  Was decorating cabin 10

  With a dozen rotten eggs.

  He failed to hear the patter

  of a thousand tiny feet.

  There really wasn’t anything

  they didn’t like to eat.

  No.

  - 9 -

  Nine Trick-or-Treaters

  Making quite a din,

  Teasing the local junkyard dog,

  Its temperament wearing thin.

  A scrawny little skeleton

  By the name of Crocus Munge

  Was the next annoying trickster

  To be savagely expunged.

  Dragged right through the pet flap

  Her chances were pretty slim.

  She was licked from head to toe

  And ravaged limb from limb.

  No.

  - 8 -

  Eight Trick-or-Treaters

  Creeping through the farm.

  They tried to steal some apples

  But they’ve triggered the alarm.

  An obnoxious little oculus

  By the name of Orville Snide,

  Was safe in his secret hiding place . . .

  Until he went and cried.

  Trapped with reeking onions

  It’s as bad as Orville fears,

  For now it’s him who’s bobbing

  As he drowns in his own tears.

  No.

  -7-

  Seven Trick-or-Treaters

  Pranking through the night,

  Rupturing gobs of flour bombs

  On all they choose to smite.

  A cranky little circus clown

  By the name of Frisby Dent

  Mistook the drapes at No.7

  For a traveling circus tent.

  Engulfed in the fumigation

  A hideous thing occurred,

  She spewed her own intestines,

  And now the joke’s on her.

  No.

  -6-

  Six Trick-or-Treaters

  With an explosive box of tricks.

  Fire crackers and cherry bombs

  Is how they get their kicks.

  A twisted little tiki

  By the name of Jonty Zoph

  May have still been with us

  If he hadn’t been showing off.

  He lit the whole caboodle

  In thinking it’d be fun,

  Creating a mass inferno

  Leaving him crispy and “well done.”

  No.

  -5-

  Five Trick-or-Treaters

  Stealing other children’s treats,

  The street is now on lockdown

  But the curfew has been breached.

  A manic little martian

  By the name of Xanthe Blight

  Was drawn to the door at No. 5

  By an alluring beam of light.

  Curiosity got the better of her,

  Which really was a shame;

  She climbed aboard the alien ship

  And was never seen again.

  No.

  -4-

  Four Trick-or-Treaters

  Smashing window panes.

  Each protest their innocence

  But someone is to blame.

  An irksome little insect

  By the name of Brundle Coop,

  Had overstayed his welcome

  Buzzing on the Jones’s stoop.

  They called upon the swat team

  Causing Brundle much distress,

  As 40 seconds later

  They disposed of the little pest.

  No.

  -3-

  Three Trick-or-Treaters

  Now anticipate the worst.

  They’re beginning to get the feeling

  That their futures may be cursed.

  A wretched little wicked witch

  By the name of Nettely Shrill

  Had baked a batch of “Bug-ins”*

  For the ladies on the hill.

  * “Bug-ins”—six-legged muffins

  She invited herself for supper

  To which the coven much obliged.

  They showed her to the oven,

  And then bundled her inside.

  No.

  -2-

  Two Trick-or-Treaters

  Soaking passersby,

  They’ve finally been rewarded

  With some sugary supplies.

  A malodorous little merman

  By the name of Gurnard Seep

  Smelled something rather fishy

  Before he plunged into the deep.

  As he sank he realized

  He’d been a fool to take the bait,

  Which gave him little comfort

  In accepting his own fate.

  No.

  -1-

  One Trick-or-Treater

  At an undisclosed address,

  Whose twisted tricks had worked a treat—

  The night’s been a success.

  This sinister little shadow

  Whose name remains unknown,

  Climbs aboard a ferryboat

  And begins its journey home.

  It glides back down to the underworld

  Through a dark and eerie hole.

  There’s no candy in its bag of treats,

  Just 11 unfortunate souls.

  Ben Joel Price lives! . . .

  and creates from an old Victorian house in London.

  He is the author-illustrator of children’s books,

  Earth Space Moon Base and In The Deep Dark Deep as well as a tasty little morsel called Love bites.

  This is his fourth book. You can visit him at

  www.benjoelprice.com

  His top five notable fears are:

  1. Great White Sharks!

  (a self diagnosed selachophobe, still blames Jaws)

  2. Over crowding

  3. Audience participation

  4. Doors that are difficult to open


  5. That thing that lives in the cupboard

  Copyright © 2015 by Ben Joel Price

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

  Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or [email protected].

  Skyhorse® and Skyhorse Publishing® are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.®, a Delaware corporation.

  Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

  Cover design and illustration by Ben Joel Price

  Print ISBN: 978-1-63450-216-0

  Ebook ISBN: 978-1-63450-936-7

  Printed in China

 

 

  Ben Joel Price, At Death's Door

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